Monday, August 20, 2007

Brave New Baby Wolverine

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored" at the height of hurricane season. Please remember that you can minimize hurricane damage to your home and loved ones by leaving a suitable offering to the bored god Hurrican, sacred to the Aztec peoples. It can't make matters worse, right Jed?

My daughter The Heir is inordinantly fond of a novel by Aldous Huxley called Brave New World. You might recall it from your high school years. In the book, people are fed recorded messages while they sleep, so that when they wake up they're brainwashed.

Babies and young children are susceptible to suggestion via television. Witness all the tiny little girls who want to dress up exactly like Cinderella. They're not getting their cues from the Brothers Grimm. They're watching Disney. Over and over and over.

I count myself an avid fan of the University of Michigan Wolverines. I didn't attend Michigan, but I lived near Ann Arbor for awhile. While there I developed the "Go Blue" disease. It's never left me. It made me wonder what they put in the water there.

I think about this while pondering a new line of DVDs targeting children aged zero through five. The company creating them is called Team Baby Entertainment. The idea is to introduce your tender tot to your favorite sports team and get them all riled up about it. Here's a sample.


Right now Team Baby Entertainment is concentrating on college football, but they also plan to do pro teams in various sports.

Do you find this just a little creepy? At best it creates a rampant consumer demand amongst the rugrat set for licensed team apparel, which ain't cheap. At worst it sets your kid up for a smackdown when they live and breathe Michigan blue, and they don't get accepted to the college. What happens to Baby Wolverine when he grows up and only gets accepted to, say, Hillsdale?

And what's your kid doing watching this brainrot anyway? I'll have you know, my daughters The Heir and The Spare never spent their time in front of DVDs. Gosh, one morning when she was about eight months old, The Spare amused herself for 30 minutes with a bottle of Log Cabin Syrup that she found on the bottom shelf in the pantry. It was only when she got it in her eyes that trouble began. That stuff'll glue your eyelashes shut. Did you know that?

So, we at "The Gods Are Bored" recommend avoiding Baby Wolverine and Baby Nittany Lion. Except if your kid is going to grow up to quarterback one of those teams.

3 comments:

EarthCitizen Scott said...

Brave New World,,
was that a book,,,
I thought that was a CNN report?

A.Huxley + G. Orwell= 1984 to 2007

off to buy me a Wolverine Jacket.....

MountainLaurel said...

It's only creepy if it's not the Baby Mountaineer. ;-)

greg scheinman said...

I greatly appreciate your commentary. However, our products are not designed nor intended to create potential disappointment in children 16 years down the road should they not get accepted to a particular university. They are intended to encourage interaction between families and their children. The opportunity to bond over a shared love for a particular team and/or institution is one of wholesome value. Our products include introductions to numbers, colors, shapes, music and much more - all of which have additional value to the development and entertainment of children. We have received tremendous response from consumers, the media and recognized organizations such as The Dove Foundation and KidsFirst. I am happy to provide you with a copy of our new Baby Nittany Lion DVD so that you can have a firsthand look for yourself. At the very least, even if your recommendation remains the same, you will at least be able to say you saw it. I think publishing an adverse opinion on something you've only seen the cover of is not truly fair or an accurate and informed assessment. We take pride in our products, our message and in our supporters and value any/all informed opinions good, bad or otherwise. Let me know where to ship. Sincerely, Greg Scheinman CEO Team Baby