Tepeyollotl Explains the Creation of Caves
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," raving about caving since 1976!
That was the year I went into a wild cave and crawled through a passage 12 inches high, and got to thinking about what would happen if the rocks moved just a little bit.
Haven't been caving since.
But today I find myself thinking about caves. Have you ever been in an active cave? You find these stalactites that have itty bitty drops of water on them, which means they're growing at the astonishing rate of ... wait a minute, I'll have to look it up ...
Hard to find the answer to that. Predictably, the folks at the Creation Museum say that stalactites can grow as fast as Rapunzel's hair.
Conversely, the folks that have taken mathematical measurements and extrapolated from known rates of cave formation growth say that stalactites lengthen about an inch every 100 years.
If I'm wrong about that, correct me. I couldn't even find the answer to that in a geology textbook on my desk!
Were all the thousands of the world's caverns, known and unknown, created mostly in a fell swoop by that big old Noah's flood?
Damn, that was one busy-ass flood, huh? Canyons, mountains, caves. Sheesh. I'll bet that flood's been napping ever since.
We at "The Gods Are Bored" have invited a God of caves to comment on this. Please give a warm, wonderful welcome to Tepeyollotl, awesome Aztec God of caves!
Anne: (to herself) By my soul, these Aztecs had a god for every occasion! I wish they used easier spelling! (to Tepeyollotl) Welcome, honored God! Caves are magnificent spectacles of Nature at its finest.
Tepeyollotl: Thank you. I am very proud of my work.
Anne: Do you mean to tell me you have created all the caves in the world?
Tepeyollotl: Absolutely. What, do you think only Yahweh can create? He and I once had a cave-off, and his cave caved. You see, I'm a specialist. He's a generalist. Take your world-obliterating floods. I couldn't do that in a month of trying.
Anne: Glad to hear it. And I really must toddle. Sorry to keep this interview so short.
Tepeyollotl: Perfectly all right. I have a bridge game tonight.
Anne: So, readers. There you have it. Science proves beyond any doubt that Tepeyollotl, Aztec specialist god of caves, created all the caves in the world. And he's the god of earthquakes too, so you'd better not send any mathematician or scientist to contradict him!