Saturday, June 23, 2007

Chick Tracts; Or, Moron Alert!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," slaughtering kittens in pentagrams since ...













Wait a minute. We've never slaughtered kittens in pentagrams!


Remember those little Christian tracts you always see crumpled up in trash cans? Now you can read them online. Elvis Drinkmo alerted me on his new blog DCComitician. (It's a great site. Where else can you ponder What Would Starfleet Command Do?)


The site is called Chick Publications. And the fare hasn't changed since I was a kid and earnest-looking church ladies passed them out at carnivals.


Of course I was eager to see how Chick Lit portrays Druids, and I was not disappointed. I do hope these pictures copy in a readable way, but if they don't, go to the site and click on "BOO."










Wow. No wonder Dogson ... err ... Dobson rails against us! We're spooky! And forget about kittens! We want virgins! Human sacrifice! Especially on our spookiest day, Halloween!


Oh, pleeeeeze. What moron's lively imagination conjured up this wackadoo horse piffle?


I pity the trees that got pulped for this garbage.


Can I speak for Druids everywhere? I think so. We are peace-loving and highly moral people. As for Satan, he belongs to their pantheon, not ours. Stop passing him off on us.


I close with


EXHIBIT A: CREEPY DRUIDS









No, can't resist an EXHIBIT B:

Casey Jones, Foster Kitten NOT SLAUGHTERED


Beannachd leat,

ANNE, THE EVER-SO-NOT-CREEPY MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

8 comments:

Thalia said...

Nice ankh that spooky Druid dude's got.

mama kelly said...

I remember tracts like those from when well-meaning Christians would leave them on my dorm room door or on my classroom seat in my college days as a teen.

Mama Kelly

jarjar_head said...

Just like Jack Chick and the Christian [far] right to not do thorough research. Sometimes I pity them for not knowing any better.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

These things never cease to amaze me.

Thanks for the link, Anne. May the Justice League and all the great Starfleet captains be with you always.

:)

Kitsune said...

How did I miss trick-or-treating for virgins! man..my druid handbook didn't cover that one.

...Good laugh. It's a shame they are "serious"...

Anonymous said...

thanks for the link
i was terrified for many years-well into my twenties by such tracts
well, more set up to be terrified and my own evolution beyond the fear not yet kicking in so i stayed stuck in terror of things such as looking into mirrors in the dark
i think it is time to visit the site just to see it from a new perspective and not from a little girl in third or forth grade raised in a baptist church with a strong evangelical bent
and thanks for your comment on satan

Nettle said...

Mr. Spooky Druid bears more than a passing resemblance to my husband.

Halloween is Satan's birthday? I didn't know that he was actually born - when did that get worked into the mythology? Does this mean he has a mother?

buddydon said...

and yet them track riters still use chrismus trees! who do they thank thar kiddin?