Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" You thought I was just kidding when I said I was swathed in 100 pounds of vulture feathers. Hoo hee! This is me! Suffering for the Sacred Thunderbird!
Seriously, if you want to get 3 seconds of air time on a major metropolitan newscast, dress like this.
I read something funny in the newspaper just now. You might have missed it if you don't live in Philadelphia.
There are two U.S. Mints in America: Philadelphia and Denver. Their job is to churn out the coin of the realm, those shiny pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters that you dump into parking meters and laundromat washing machines.
Lately the two mints have been busy churning and churning on yet another dumbcluck idea. They've been turning out yet another dollar coin.
How many dollar coins are they going to produce before they get it that we just don't want them? For the love of fruitflies, I just adored the one with Sacajawea on it, I thought it was an honor to the bored gods and everything. Did I use it? Only on the El. You go to the Elevated Train, you put your paper dollar in one machine, it spits out Sacajawea, then you put Sacajawea in another machine for a ticket. If you don't take the El every day, you're hard pressed to find a merchant that doesn't look at pretty Sac and say, "Don't you have a real dollar?"
The newest dollar coins are meant to be collectible but also usable as legal tender. Philly's been cranking them out in epic numbers.
Some day this week or last, something went wrong. The new dollar coin, sporting yet another boring picture of George Washington, is supposed to say "In God We Trust" around the rim of the coin. Isn't technology amazing? Except that the folks at the Philadelphia Mint missed a big bunch of dollar coins. Some went out without the "In God We Trust" logo.
Did you get that? There's finally some usable money out there that doesn't violate the Establishment Clause!
Oh, if only I can stuff my paper dollars into the El machine and here the sweet jingle jangle of a dollar coin that doesn't say "In God We Trust!"
In the meantime, I am not for the life of me going to spend forty bucks buying one off Ebay.
Sadly, though the coins were minted in Philadelphia (which is my point of destination when I ride the El), they were apparently dispersed in Florida and points south. So if you know someone who's down at Spring Training cheering on their favorite baseball team, text 'em quick and get 'em to hit the banks.
Today freedom is not free. It costs a dollar.
A new feature of "The Gods Are Bored": trying to think up a new stupid Pagan name every day.