Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Think of all the political upheavals the bored gods have seen. Don't believe me? Ask Baal.
Anyway, it's encouraging to see democracy at work, a correction to the hegemony of the last six years. But we at "The Gods Are Bored" take a dim view of all politicians, believing them to be in the pockets of the Few Who Control the Many.
But humbug to politics now! It's time to get back to important, yea verily essential topics.
Those of you who live with faeries know that they steal things. (Puck finally gave me my telephone book back yesterday because he wanted to go with me to the polls.)
There are two items that faeries steal and don't return to you: socks and silverware.
The other day, Mr. Johnson and I looked at our dwindling supply of silverware and decided to buy some more. As luck would have it, the local Macy's had the very same pattern on sale that we'd been using until the faeries stole it all, piece by piece, starting with the teaspoons.
So my darling and I strapped ourselves in the Chrysler and drove to the mall, and sure enough there was our pattern, and on sale as promised. We bought and brought it home.
Yesterday I pulled it out of the pack. And I noticed something right away. Sure enough, it looked like the older set, exactly the same pattern. But every single piece of the new flatware was visibly larger than the old set. The salad forks are so gargantuan that I couldn't fit them into my caddy.
By all the bored gods. Now they're supersizing silverware! Fit more food on that fork! Scoop more soup with that spoon! Whose idea was this? Is it an attempt to use more steel? Not American steel. The stuff is made in China. Where they eat with sticks.
Don't think for a minute that the faeries will have trouble ridding our house of supersized silverware. They'll steal it just as fast. But even that might not be fast enough to keep us from stuffing our faces with gobs of galloping gourmet.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to L.A.Weight Loss. I'm anticipating future problems with my eating habits.
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS