Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Applegate on 06-06-06

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" I'm your host today: Mr. Applegate. Please don't call me The Great Beast. It hurts my feelings.

Anne was making rather merry at "Allen Ginsberg Night," Pizza and Poetry with the Monkey Man. Prizes were given out to the person who acted the most like a Beat Poet, and that has resulted in numerous hangovers this morning.

Thank goodness, because I need a place to hide out. And I'm in my honest-to-goodness clothes, too.

The trouble with working in a hierarchical enterprise is that you never know what the CEO is thinking. Sometimes you have to tiptoe around and not answer your beeper. You know what I mean. A day like 06-06-06 only comes every 100 years. I tiptoed last time, too. Except beepers and text messaging hadn't been invented, so it was easier.

Why do I want to be incognito today?

Do you have any idea what it would do to my reputation in the Intergalactic God Community if I were to act like the dude in Revelations? I swear the head deity of the universe (better known as Thing 1) would bust me down to mortal, and make me a maggot at that.

So I'm ducking Armaggedon any way I can, even if it means scaring a trio of foster kittens and sending two resident cats fleeing for the nearby woods.

Any day, I mean Any day, the boss could come calling with an Executive Order setting this whole End Times gambit into motion. And I have a contract, signed and sealed. I would have to honor it.

So, please pray with me that Armageddon is more than 5, 996 years away, so some other poor devil will have to deal with it, not me. (I signed for 10,000 years.)

And frankly, my boss is going to have a really hard time replacing me. Not because I'm good at my job, but because your species is such a dud that no other self-respecting god will want the post.

The boss might be able to get an intern straight out of the Intergalactic God and Goddess Academy (IGGA), but I'll bet that's the best he'll do.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to settle down in Anne's basement, behind the water heater, and sort some socks.

See you soon,

MR. APPLEGATE

2 comments:

Tennessee Jed said...

That Mr. Applegate sure knows his Bible.

Rauf said...

Devil a PhD in mathematics ? He is not even good in counting. Some buildings(hotels specially) don't have the 13th floor, We have such poor opinion of poor Devil.
Ah ! Eureka ! Devil must be a virus, gets activated on some numbers or dates.