Faerie Festivals for Fine Folks #1: Running the Gauntlet of Protesters
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Alas, alas! These two beautiful young sprites are on their way to hell!
No. Wait a minute. Let's talk about that.
Today we begin a new series, "Faerie Festivals for Fine Folks." Can't bring myself to use "Dummies" for this one. It was perfectly fine for cults and buzzard worship, but not for faerie festivals.
All parts of America have regularly played host to Celtic and Scottish festivals. Some of these are simple affairs, some lavish. Recently some of these traditional festivals have morphed into faerie festivals that celebrate the colorful and wonderful world of the fae.
Fourteen hundred years of Christianity in the British Isles has failed to oust faeries from their positions in the heart and mind of the folk. Faeries have never gone out of vogue because they exist. They celebrate both the intellectual and the imaginative in human beings. And they like lavish costumes too.
On the weekend of May 5-7, 2006, this intrepid reporter attended the annual Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm. Spoutwood Farm is near Glen Rock, PA. It is an organic farm that also hosts "Mother Earth" weekends and educational opportunities on nature issues.
I don't think the promoters of the Fairie Festival expected the massive crowds they got this year. Perfect weather sure helped. But people are just more interested in faeries than ever before. Know which American magazine is growing quickest in circulation? You've got it! Faerie Magazine, with its awesome spring issue containing a story by moi.
If you plan to attend a faerie festival, please be aware that certain Christians might see fit to berate you about it. They will stand near the admission line. And they're quite vocal. In case you can't hear them (you must be profoundly deaf for this to be the case), they hold up signs telling you that pagans are bound for hell.
We at "The Gods Are Bored" go on record as respecting the Constitutional right of these Christians to air their views in what might perhaps be a hostile setting.
But hey. If there's a crowd at a faerie festival, and you have to stand in line and take hateful abuse from a Christian who says that "May Day" is what pilots shout just before they crash and burn, you need to have some snappy comebacks.
1. To their assertion that pagans go to hell, reply:
"And your heaven is the alternative? Okay! I'll take hell."
2. To their assertion that you should love Jesus, reply:
"Gosh, I do love cheeses! Brie, Camebert, Gouda, Cheddar. What kind you got?"
3. To their assertion that "May Day" means you'll crash and burn, you reply:
"And you'll enjoy watching? What does that say about you?"
Now this last one might only have been used once at the Glen Rock faerie festival, because Anne and her faeries responded loudly after hearing it.
4. When they say choose Line 1 for pot and Line 2 for booze, you reply:
"Marijuana use is illegal! Are you slandering the law-abiding people in this line?"
Lastly but not leastly, you raise your arms and invoke All the Bored Gods to shower these silly protesters with love and peace, and for crying out loud don't let them play with matches! Someone might get burnt!
If all this fails, we at "The Gods Are Bored" advocate hiring adequate protection. As you can see, it worked for Anne.
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS
AREA 14, STAR 14