Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A Brief Recap for New Readers


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We're the second-best polytheism portal on the World Wide Web! The top dog is definitely God Checker, where you can find a god for your every need!

Do you really think we care what you read or what you wear?
Come on and join together with the band!

Oh, that dates you, Anne. Everyone together now:

Anne is a GEEEEEEEEEZER.

About this time last year, Anne was watching a lecture on t.v.

It was this atheist, and he was speaking in a Jewish synagogue.
Yeah, I know. I'm not making this up.

The guy was pinning all the world's ills on religion, all the wars and such. And you can make a case for that, until you remember that both Mao and Stalin didn't have any religion.

Then the guy said: "If you want to know how foolish the idea of God is, just substitute the name 'Zeus' for 'God.' Remember, generations and generations of people worshipped Zeus. They built big temples to him and his family. They had elaborate worship services and high holy days."

Then he said: "Now listen to this. 'In Zeus We Trust.' 'One Nation under Zeus.' Doesn't it sound stupid? Because of course Zeus is a myth, and so is God."

Food for thought.

Anne thought about it long and hard.

Anne decided that poor Zeus wasn't a myth at all. He's just a laid-off god. Anne used to call Zeus the victim of a hostile takeover, but hey, he was no Prince among Gods. He was ripe for a buyout.

The better analogy (that is, comparison) is with a guy making a fortune building expensive horse-drawn carriages in 1910. Along comes Henry Ford and the Model T, and the horse carriage guy is out of a job.

Zeus is bored out of his gourd. So is Chondanga. So is Sedna. So is Tiki. And Queen Brighid the Bright wasn't doing too great either until just recently. She's making a comeback big time! Yippeeee!

So this post is dedicated to all the bored gods out there. Because why should they be on welfare and collecting food stamps when they can be busy?

And that One God guy is just too busy. He can't keep track of his praise and worship team, and the fringe elements of it are running amok. He's way overbooked.

Hey, it's His fault, if you believe that he sat down and created the universe in six days. Most people can't even build a treehouse in that amount of time. He should have thought about getting a corporate structure in place. (And about those pesky mutating viruses.)

So we give respect to the bored gods from every culture and every place. And we are Equal Opportunity Polytheists, so we try not to disrespect any religion (or fairy tale, for that matter).

I mean, blaming Jesus for the mess the world in is like blaming The Who for the putz who got blitzed at a concert and plowed into a tree on the way home.

We are a species that needs a little more evolution, some geological tweaking.

In the meantime, all hail the bored gods!

This may be the second-best polytheism site on the Web, but it's NUMBER ONE for buzzard worship. Wait until next week! We are going to show you how Sacred Thunderbirds can change your life!

Our operators are standing by to take your call.

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

Midlife crisis? We prefer paradigm change.

Photo: Roman Bath House, Berkeley Springs, WV.

2 Comments:

At February 22, 2006 , Blogger buddy don said...

eggzellent post, ma'am. thang is, taint possibull fer the human brane to hold n be able to putt into wurds the cumplete idee of god. but folks still gits moments when they kin almost see her/him/it/them. makes sense fer em to attempt to splain whut they seen. other folks gits to worshippin thar deescripshun, witch aint no deescripshun equal to the god.

 
At February 28, 2006 , Blogger Davo said...

Um, have had a squizz at the Pantheon .. and methinks one missing. Where is the Almighty American "DOLLAH"? makes more sense somehow.

"In Dollah We Trust".

Could even begin to understand GWB when he says that "The Almighty Dollah told me to invade Iraq." Heh heh.

(luv yer writings, so as an offbeat Aussie, d'ya mind if i add ya t me Links list?}

 

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