Thursday, December 01, 2005

Pack Your Bags, Virgil!


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where the absurd never fails to lift the deepest depression!

This just in: The pope is going to deep-six Limbo.

We're not talking about that silly dance where you shimmy under a stick. That's the "limbo rock." We're talking about the Big L, where unbaptized babies go, and where the poet Dante saw so many worthy individuals who had the bad luck to be born before Jesus. Including Virgil, pictured above. I think he's the one with dreadlocks.

For those of you unfamiliar with Dante's Inferno, that's Canto IV.

Just before he descends into Hell, Dante comes to a place (not a happy one) wherein all the good folks reside who were born before Year 1 A.D. It's a busy place. Just the ancient Romans and Greeks alone would fill the University of Michigan football stadium. And we haven't even started on the Native Americans, Africans, Indians, Russians, Mongols, and Fiji Islanders born before 1.

Hey, Pope Rat! Where are all these folks going to find lodging? Do you know how expensive apartments are these days? Even if you share with five other Romans, you're going to need some cash!

Seriously, Mr. Pope. Won't you be embarrassed when Virgil can't pay his electric bill, when his telephone goes dead, and when the landlord won't fix the broken toilet because the rent is in arrears? And what about when that eviction notice gets posted up on the door? Shameful to think of great ancient poets made homeless by a careless pope.

And the babies. The babies! What happens to all the babies who were born but died before they were baptized? Do they come around again? Oooops! That smacks of Buddhism. Does Jesus accept them despite the drip-drop of holy water on the little bald heads? Okay, then why can't Jesus let Virgil through the door?

Wow. I am completely confounded by this piece of news. Thank goodness, because otherwise the day was dark indeed.

(Shhhh! I think all those unbaptized babies are in Sidhe, hiding out as pixies. But don't tell Pope Rat. He'll burn you at the stake.)

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

4 comments:

Anti-Thesis of Reason said...

You mean the Pope has the power to wipe out a whole other exsistence like that? isn't that bordering on God like powers??
What does that say about the concept in the first place, what does it say about other concepts thought up by the Catholic church???

Athana said...

Now my Cousin Doris, who's Rapture Right and therefore an expert on these things, says that if you didn't ever hear of Jesus, they can't send you anywhere bad. However, if you *do* hear, and you just say something like "nah nah, nuh nah nah," then you are in a heap of big trouble, mister.

Anne Johnson said...

So many gods, so little time. In for a dime, in for a dollar. Say yes to Jesus, you're saying yes to Thunderbirds, Queen Brighid the Bright, and Isis. The existence of one heaven means the existence of every heaven.

I love Jesus, and I think he visits Sidhe every time they have an Open House. He even brings a casserole.

Scott said...

Hey Anne, I am back,, and wanted to stop and say I have missed you and the thunderbirds,,, I did have a cool time with my good friends White Crow and Yes I do have a friend , her husband the Ol Buzzard,, they said to tell you hello!! They saw the fairy ball and were impressed when I told them of how you educate the witless of the Gods, explaining it to the less minded!!
Hope things are OK for you,,, I am still Jobless, but I am changed and transformed by my 'retreat',, so being the magickal person I am,,, and now healed and ready to do some kick ass ju ju for myself,,, lets see what we can whip up for us heathrens!!! so,,, Sending you only good things,,, and lots of love,,, scott