Thursday, December 01, 2005
Pack Your Bags, Virgil!
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where the absurd never fails to lift the deepest depression!
This just in: The pope is going to deep-six Limbo.
We're not talking about that silly dance where you shimmy under a stick. That's the "limbo rock." We're talking about the Big L, where unbaptized babies go, and where the poet Dante saw so many worthy individuals who had the bad luck to be born before Jesus. Including Virgil, pictured above. I think he's the one with dreadlocks.
For those of you unfamiliar with Dante's Inferno, that's Canto IV.
Just before he descends into Hell, Dante comes to a place (not a happy one) wherein all the good folks reside who were born before Year 1 A.D. It's a busy place. Just the ancient Romans and Greeks alone would fill the University of Michigan football stadium. And we haven't even started on the Native Americans, Africans, Indians, Russians, Mongols, and Fiji Islanders born before 1.
Hey, Pope Rat! Where are all these folks going to find lodging? Do you know how expensive apartments are these days? Even if you share with five other Romans, you're going to need some cash!
Seriously, Mr. Pope. Won't you be embarrassed when Virgil can't pay his electric bill, when his telephone goes dead, and when the landlord won't fix the broken toilet because the rent is in arrears? And what about when that eviction notice gets posted up on the door? Shameful to think of great ancient poets made homeless by a careless pope.
And the babies. The babies! What happens to all the babies who were born but died before they were baptized? Do they come around again? Oooops! That smacks of Buddhism. Does Jesus accept them despite the drip-drop of holy water on the little bald heads? Okay, then why can't Jesus let Virgil through the door?
Wow. I am completely confounded by this piece of news. Thank goodness, because otherwise the day was dark indeed.
(Shhhh! I think all those unbaptized babies are in Sidhe, hiding out as pixies. But don't tell Pope Rat. He'll burn you at the stake.)
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS