Oh, Poor Dolly!
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," and we hope you'll find us Pleasant Company! (tee hee)
This charming lil' lady is Felicity, the most popular in a long (and expensive) line of American Girl dolls.
If you're unfamiliar with high-end toys, these cute dollies have been around for quite some time and are a status item. As you can see, Felicity sports her Colonial-era attire, and she comes with a series of short novels about her brave efforts during the War for Independence. Suffice it to say that her descendants could get into the Daughters of the American Revolution by her plucky deeds alone!
Alas, Felicity and her fellow American Girl dolls are on the ropes.
It transpires that Felicity's corporation has been making donations to a nonprofit organization that supports young women's efforts to improve health, job opportunities, and education. This organization (the name escapes me, I heard this on the radio while in heavy traffic) also supports a young woman's right to choose what to do with her own body.
Uh oh. Felicity, pack your bags for the Island of Misfit Toys!
A conservative watchdog group has discovered this information and has issued an ultimatum to Felicity and her cheery-faced cohorts:
Stop supporting this "pro-abortion" organization or face a boycott!
A boycott of American Girl dolls? How pathetic.
Little Girl in Kansas: Mommy, will Santa Claus bring me a Felicity doll? I want one so bad!
Mommy (too busy listening to Rick Santorum on "Focus on the Family"):
Little Girl: Mommy, I want an American Girl doll! It's so lonely out here on the prairie. She would be my best friend.
Mommy: Sorry, Buffy. Santa can't bring you an American Girl doll. Will you settle for "Grand Theft Auto III" instead?
ENJOYING THE ABSURDITIES UNTIL BIRD FLU STRIKES,
THE MERLIN OF BERKELY SPRINGS