Wednesday, September 28, 2005

What Was in That Happy Meal?

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" On this site gods are not ignored!

I had to fire off a stridenly worded memo to Zeus today. Either he gets a leash on Mars, or Greco-Roman deities will be banned wholesale from this little forum.

"Zeus," I wrote, "There are many deity packages out there that are every bit as attractive as yours. And some of them do not contain gods of war. Mars must be forcibly restrained, preferably on the planet that bears his name."

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you missed yesterday's post.

Mars got in my space. What a jerk! I guess my faithful readers wonder how that happened.

I was working away in my new capacity as shift manager at McDonald's. Suddenly everything went black. I woke up feeling like I'd been run over by a Hummer. I was lying in a landfill, surrounded by half-eaten Happy Meals. A fine group of Thunderbirds was circling quite close in, perusing me as a possible side dish once they'd gulped the soggy fries.

How I survived a god's sucker punch without any fractures I do not know.

It wasn't until I got home and smelled napalm in my bedroom that I thought to look at my computer.

Gentle readers, please understand that the opinions expressed by certain gods and goddesses on this site are not necessarily those of the owner of the site!

As for the strong language, well that's just "ignernt," as they say where I'm from.

So now you must be wondering how I'm going to keep Mars off my site. I mean, how do you cope with these arrogant, steroid-fueled warmongers?

Simple! I bought every version of "Grand Theft Auto" and the game devices needed to play it. Then I set the whole thing up in a deserted double-wide in West Virginia and tuned the radio onto "The Rush Limbaugh Opiate Hour."

Bet I never hear from Mars again.

If I do, it's pepper spray and a new name for this blog: "The Non-Greco-Roman Gods Are Bored."

ALL HAIL PETER PAN, EPONA, ARJUNA, AND COYOTE!
FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

P.S. - Anyone know how to get the smell of napalm out of draperies?

6 Comments:

At September 28, 2005 , Blogger Cus said...

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At September 28, 2005 , Blogger Lilith Saintcrow said...

Baking soda might work for the napalm. ;)

 
At September 29, 2005 , Blogger Anne Johnson said...

If Cus writes to me again about making money on ebay, I'm going to sell his pets. I was making money on ebay before everyone else found it. Now there's too much competition.

 
At September 29, 2005 , Blogger Lilith Saintcrow said...

yeah. you can't even sell your soul on ebay anymore.

I say sell his pets anyway. As a warning. The next time he gets fresh with you, tell Mars that Cus says he's a wimp.

 
At September 29, 2005 , Blogger Anne Johnson said...

Yo, Mars! There's a dude named Cus who wants to sell you on ebay!

Yo, Mars! Cus says he could steal your car, blast your cop to oblivion, run off with your prostitute, and find your stash!

Plus, Cus is a liberal. Can't have that, can we?

 
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