Friday, April 22, 2005

DEFINE LIBERAL

Welcome to the blog of the bored gods - wherein we offer performance evaluations of the Big Guy, his second in command, and the other staff in his chain of command. This will include, but not be limited to, the new pontiff, some dude named Dobson, and an absolutely fabulous child care expert named Dr. Laura.

We admit to a bias in favor of such eminent bored gods as Peter Pan, Mother Nature, and some elderly deity from the Canary Islands who swears up and down that he is the One True God. Who are we to argue? Ever met a Messiah who didn't claim to be the one and only?

But tonight we turn to that other big, fat bugaboo: politics.

A definition is in order, because a great deal of confusion has arisen over a very simple word. My fifth grader can spell it, despite Dr. Laura's every attempt to keep her in diapers. The word is:

LIBERAL

lib-er-al adj. from the Latin liberalis (liber= free), belonging to the people, free, to grow up, rise.

1. orig., suitable for a freeman, not restricted; now only in "LIBERAL ARTS, LIBERAL EDUCATION," etc.

2. giving freely; generous

3. large or plentiful; abundant (a liberal award, etc.)

4. not restricted to the literal meaning; not strict (a liberal interpretation of the Bible)

5. tolerant of views differing from one's own; broad-minded; specifically not orthodox or conventional

6. of democratic or republican forms of government

7. favoring reform or progress, as in religion, education, etc., specifically, favoring political reforms tending toward democracy and personal freedom for the individual; progressive

8. designating or of a political party upholding liberal principles

9. excessively indecorous in behavior; licentious

n. a person favoring liberalism
a member of a liberal political party, especially that of England or Canada

Source: The Bleeding Heart Handbook, New York, NY: Blue Press, 2005.

JUST KIDDING!

Real, True Source: Webster's New World Dictionary of the American Language, Second College Edition.Cleveland, OH: William Collins/World Publishing Co., Inc., 1976.

Rush Limbaugh: Heads Up! Liberal does NOT mean EVIL, HATEFUL, GOVERNMENT-DESTROYING, TAX-AND-SPEND, GOD-HATING, ABORTION-LOVING CRIMINAL.

Liberal means GENEROUS.

By the way, Rush ol' boy, how's it going with the detox? Narcotics addiction is tough to kick. But take heart. How old was William Burroughs when he died? 95? Now there's a fine role model for you, Rushy.

Soon we will examine that other form of pond scum, THE MEDIA.

Yours truly in service to the bored gods,
Anne Johnson, liberal